Where were you 10 months and 30 days ago?
That's 482,000 minutes.
Are you surprised with where you are today?
It's been nearly a year since I wrote that post. Back then, I said "nothing lasts forever." How naive considering this divorce is lasting way longer than I would like. So I feel pretty confident in saying that even with its highest of highs and rock bottom lows, I'm right back where I started. Married, living in the guest room and wishing my daughter didn't have to endure this pain.
How vastly different life was two years ago. Family2Amara was hitting the gridiron. I am loyal to my alma mater so high school football and game day are HUGE. But what do I remember clearly about that evening? Arguing with Dad2Amara because I wanted to stay and watch overtime. My school had come from behind with 10 seconds left on the clock. And we left at the end of regulation. I was crushed (but my team ultimately did win). I guess in some respects life hasn't changed that much.
I suppose I expected that with each day, life would get better, easier. But life's just...there. As I read about my experiences this week in "history," both posts still bring sadness and glee. But if I am honest with myself, the intensity of those emotions do not compare to that which I felt when I originally wrote about them.
As I reflect on the last 28.9 million seconds of my life, I've come to appreciate the every day joys and embrace the differences. I have learned a lot about my loved ones and my friends. And I'm sure they could say the same about me. I have watched in awe as Amara grows and matures with each passing day. And most importantly, I am learning I am stronger than I ever thought. I still have my weak moments, but I am stronger than that bottle of cab, the hateful words, and the suffocating preconceived notions. And I live a life of no regrets.
You know where I was. So where were you? Has life evolved the way you expected?
4 comments :
Oh boy. Now I have to go find tissues. And by the way, all of that makes you pretty fantastic.
Thanks for the empowering words today. It is true though. BIG changes like a divorce force you to reflect on your life and drive you to embrace the good and become a better person. So where am I today... a stronger and more open-minded person with a fire for life's moments that I didn't have before.
Fantastic may be a bit of a stretch but thank you.
And Megan, you are stronger. And I can not wait until I have that fiery passion for everything in my life again. It's going to be a great October!
Me last year? I was absolutely not as happy as I am today. Today I am stronger, happier, fulfilled and starting to poke around Cleveland...a little.
You are lovely and Amara will be okay. You seem like a strong, loving parent and that makes all the difference.
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